In primary school when a teacher would ask us a question, I would never raise my hand to answer it. Even though nine times out of ten I was right. But I only found out I was right when someone else answered it and the teacher announced whether it's right or wrong.
Why didn't I ever try? I was TERRIFIED of looking stupid.
It continued like that for years till I moved schools and got a chance to build my new self-confident identity. But even then deep inside I was still afraid to make a fool out of me.
I thought that by now, twenty years later I'm perfectly happy with who I am, I'm not afraid to put myself out there, to speak my mind. But suddenly today I realized that my attachment to certain routines, habits, processes, and my desire to make other people accept and follow them has from the same root: I unconsciously feel that there is so much I don't know in the world, that I'm desperately clinging on and hiding behind my old habits.
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